Jon

Given some hints already, I think another thing you could want is for me to keep doing some of the same things: dress up and look pretty and maybe even take myself out more. I think you have already made enough stabs with my financial situation to already know how life is for me. So, you would have some understanding why I can't purchase a lot of nice clothes and afford to go out. I have found some cheap buys, but sometimes, it does take money. I'm also in a pregnant state right now; so that's another story too.
Your show last night.....
That was funny with the Pope scene. I'm not saying much more about it.
I think you're also bringing up Brian Williams for some reason. It isn't that I am denying the drama in the past; I guess I don't know what entirely is going on presently. If you are clueing he is remaining persistant about his death threat and other demands; I really do not know how to handle this right now. I already mocked you both with a rape contest and said I would prefer you over him. I don't want to bring it up or be reminding but I don't know the deep water I'm in right now. Maybe it could just be shallow water that is more about violence. I can try to stay quiet but I also don't know how to be quiet with the clues you are giving. I feel I should be panicking and asking more questions but I don't know what to ask or what I should do. During a walk I had the other day, I was approached by some people of his religion Menonite? Protestant? Latter day Saints? people who gave me a track. Of course I never converted or anything but I guess I've probably also caused some ruckuss with his religion when I was talking to Anderson the other day..........
The Neal character you had on your show last night. There is definitely one Neal I know that you could be referring to, but I wonder and am creeped out with how many shares he could have and however it is that you want me to be creeped out. There is one definite thing and I will get to that in a minute. But the Neal I know.... No, I never had sex with him the night we hungout. We talked and did a little more, but for my own personal reason, nothing more than that happened.
I also don't know if you have a bisexual relationship with him, or if you are suggesting for me to have a different guy right now rather than a woman like you usually do. ??? I'm not sure how to take this.... I'm not really sure what Neal thinks of me. Especially since I'm having a child, he really would not be the type where I want to be in a serious relationship with. I know, I know, call me judgemental, it is just what my honesty really thinks. This isn't about comparing him to other people or people in capitalism either; it is just how I personally feel towards him. It just doesn't feel right to me.
With the ball back in your court.... exploring space...and you being so excited.... You really are being a painfully sadistic predator and not taking away some pain. I know how demanding you are about satisfaction and I'll let you have it. I feel like you're driving your knife in deeper and I'm weeping on the inside and will never understand WHY? why. It is something I can't explain that I've already given death threats over and I'm waking up to the reality that this is something that won't matter to you. You were intending it to be seductive in the instance last night, but it feels painfully dehumanizing. I don't know the other number of people responsible and it is something I want to stay blind to and hate that I don't know how else to communicate to you and don't even want to talk more. It's just something to not talk about keep to myself.
You make it harder to pull off anything to lie or act out with you.
~going back to my cave~