Letter to the Jury

I think by now we all know how heavily I'm being watched and obsessed over.
I still think it is sick and psychotic that people think I should still have to live through this hell hole. It is a major dare for people to actually ask why I think my world is chaotic.

First off:
I think we could all agree that I'm being ignored.
Past that, if people would see my personality for what it was, I'm still true to myself. I'm still MIA with my anger towards the system.
I am directing these thoughts at my down to earth living conditions. Where I live, who I live with, and working conditions.
Dane is a different story.

They fucking even made MIA famous. Despite the said fame, there is still neglect. It is such a hard slap in the face when reality proves itself passively to say: "You're not an acknowledged individual at all, you're only used to entertain others. Unpaid on top of that."

Although I neglect my father, he still speaks in an obssessive domineering way over me.
I've had my talks, I called him Hitler and constantly turn my back.
He has proved past the point of neglect just how hateful and how much of a sadistic hater he is.
On top of that, he remains a judgemental person and keeps his job as a pastor.
It really is rare for me to call someone a hypocrit.
I understand that I have a history, but his expressions of dominance over me I would compare to the barbarians on Troy.I think the rest of the barbarous men in this town have influenced my dad to the point that he really is not different. He fails to see he is gravitating more toward his anger and hate and being part of the rest of the commune to be a barbarian.
I now seriously see my dad in a whole new light after seeing some things.
He isn't completely dead, but now he is a vile hating zombie waiting for any moment to go cannibal on me. He sadistically denies my intelligence further in either thinking I'm too naive to understand his hatred or knows I'm intelligent and words it in a wolf dressed as a sheep where the only way I could call him out would be to turn it into some kind of victimization game where after he has already been a Troy barbarian, He is looking for any vulnerability to try to seize when he really doesn't have my respect in any way shape or form.

I am officially disgusted that he is a pastor.
He needs a new job. He isn't good enough to be a pastor.
I think people have their own times to go through emotions. Any kind of emotion. It doesn't give them a license to kill because they have emotions. But, after the overreaction of about 10 years ago and with me already being overexploited with one example where he is exploited as well, it disgusts me that I have to live in this house.
My dad is not capable of handling his emotions.
He is a psycho path is probably helpless in this town's Troy, but I still get further victimized by him anyway.
I shouldn't have to live like this.
I'm sick of the denial this town has.
Not any member of my family
Not any single person in this town
has any right to torture me whatsoever. there should be no reason why I am made to suffer the specific and largely detailed way that I am made to suffer.
Of course people get away with hate crimes all of the time, but I really am tired of waiting for an intervention after already living with obvious exploits. This country should be so ashamed of itself for the real hatred and abuse it has. I am so disgusted.

~Breathing Breathing Breathing~

All I see at the core IS FEAR. Not my fear, but fear in whoever my "chief" is.

Reference:
http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/09/20/picture-me-a-model-s-diary-sara-ziff-ole-schell-interview/?icid=main%7Cmain%7Cdl3%7Csec1_lnk1%7C171718

1. I don't know the boyfriend; I would assume it is Sid.
2. I think both he and whether or not he is the chief, or someone else is directing this story, is completely FEARFUL AND AVOIDANT.

To focus in on my world, and forgetting all selflessness to others, all I see is:
"Shoot. The Sarah Palin Barbie didn't work. Maybe if we gave her a Barbie who is a model that will shut her up. We will even put a little bit of it in her favor."

In other words, I boil you down to another Dane Cook: Lets give her a candy bar. Its not even funny.

Your Barbie reality is never my reality. If you seriously want me to be spoiled enough to forget my anger, spoil me my way. Give me something I would actually want and that actually will shut me up.
I'm not the dumbass you make me out to be. I know you don't love me. I know that you would rather be avoidant and find other routes to take. ~Anything but taking on, confronting, dealing with reality~

The model most likely has more money and will bitch because I'm not selfless. It could be another trap in its own way to cause me to drown more because I'm more vulnerable, so here is my selflessness:
Dear real model. You get real credit and real money. You poor thing. You have to deal with abuse and evils in the world JUST LIKE I DO
Who knows if we really are even in anything.

Back talking to the chief: I think you're a COWARDLY ASSHOLE WHO DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO DEAL.