As always, I don't know everything. I see some gossip. I could be wrong in my own assumptions of gossip. I can't help but be a hardcore Veronica sometimes.......
Anyway, even though I am being defensive for you about the gossip of other people, it still is not about them that I write you this letter.
In some ways, you are an ideal man.
In other ways, you are far from being the ideal man.
I can already tell you are picking up on some of my regular battles and issues I have with other people in life. I really do still like to have a conservative outlook where some things are between us and no one else. I think you have already come to terms with me being a vulnerable adult, so I believe there are things you understand are out of my control when it comes to being guarded, secretive, and conservative about.
I don't think I should have to die either because the world is out of control and my reality is chaotic.
I can tell you have some passion and care for me. I can't tell how much you love me. It varies with me how cynical and doubtful I am with how hopeful I am. Regardless of feeling hurt and disappointed and let down from time to time, I've made the choice to either be available or love you anyway.
You really can light up my life sometimes. I really love the happy times with you. I love the times we have good chemistry together. Sometimes, (which the specifics have and don't have some secrets), the predator in you turns me on so much. You may never know the specifics, but I give you credit that sometimes, the predator in you is burning and steaming hot.
To defend us in the gossip, even though people are right and cliched to be right, I will always have a mind of my own. In my anger, I have already said I would rather be raped by a man than a woman. Territorial issues and issues of being told what to do has already been acknowledged.
It goes back to how I see Egypt, France, and Ukraine. It really does depend on a lot of things with me and how I make judgement in my own time. Sometimes, I feel even though people are right, it is structurally abusive in the end. It could be compared to one of the anorexic models that works themself to death. So, I appreciate myself in being vague and quiet because I really do trust myself more in the end. I think with how complicated life is, I lighten my load more when I work myself too hard than fight to either be right or use all my energy on a small battle. I may not be making a large number of people happy right now, but I do have my own level of personal satisfaction and it does put me at ease. I really do want to make effort in making you happy too, but when it comes to being myself and making you happy, I would say I don't think we completely know each other yet. To make any strong decisions or decisions that are set in stone for me or you to be one way or the other might ruin what we have. I really like taking time with you. Other times, I feel like I forget everything and no matter what goes on, the sexy predator in you wins regardless. Not all the time. Sometimes.
So, I just want to say, I'm enjoying the time we are having right now. I have been officially been diagnosed with being bipolar. I make no promises. I'm not sure if you make promises or there are some specific things about you that I should take seriously.
Muah!
